A fearful shed

The exterior work is done. The floor needs to be installed. Then the roofing. The final editing will be the painting. The studio is a lot like writing, from concept to final editing. But as it nears completion, it is taking on its dark dimensions. I plan to enter the shed to descend into the place where the words are found; where the stories dwell. I speak this way because it is a common thread running through the many books on writing that I've read. The authors speak of the place where the words and stories come in terms of descending, caverns, rivers, even Hades. I have feared entering that place and have spend many years avoiding it. I can write glibbly, ironically, cleverly. But does it come from the deepest source of truth? And truth is what I'm after. I take a motto from Brenda Ueland: Be Bold, Be Free, Be Truthful. (I recommend her book, by the way.) The truth can be fearful, however, for the truth reveals what I fear. The studio is a place to pursue the truth, or to be found by it. Maybe that is why the studio has a dark side. It is a place I've dreamed of having for the longest time and the dream is becoming material. Dreams materialized leave the completeness, the etherial beauty of the fantasy and meet a world which may or may not be friendly to the dream.
I look at entering the studio as descending into the place I need to be, want to be, seek to be, and fear to be. The fear should be the least of the worries. Like many folks who live so much in the head (and all the self destructive conversations that rise there) I create fears where fear need not be. Perhaps it is a way to become a hero, for if I overcome the fear, then I am brave and possess courage. It looks like I'm still posting to this blog where I have a reader.